What NOT To Do When You Are Going Through Separation
A relationship breakdown can be one of the most stressful events in your adult life. Learning to navigate through your new circumstances, parental responsibility and financial situation can be challenging. The feeling of grief, loss of control and stress is often a catalyst for people to make out-of-character decisions or to act in ways that they would not otherwise have.
However, very little is said about the impact your behaviour in the beginning of the break up will have on the ongoing stress and expense you are likely to face throughout the process. The end of a relationship can be easy or difficult. The more difficult they are, the more likely it is that you will need lawyers to assist. In extreme situations, the Courts will be required to make decisions for you.
To avoid further stress, great expense and extended periods of uncertainty for you and your family, we have put together a few tips to help you through this process. Below is a list of things NOT to do when you face a relationship breakdown.
Don’t Withhold the Children
The Family law Act makes it indisputably clear that the children have right to have a meaningful relationship with both parents, wherever safe to do so. Withholding children from the other parent, without just reason, is not looked favourably upon by the Family Courts and often leads to a Judge taking a dim view on your ability to enable the children to have a relationship with the other parent.
In the early days, have a conversation with the other parent about how you would like to manage co-parenting.
Consider discussing the following:
Who will the children will live with and what time will they spend with the other parent;
How you and the other parent will communicate with each other about matters relating to the children;
How you will make joint decisions about the children
The arrangement you come up with will depend on your personal circumstances, the ages of your children and any special needs of your children.
In most circumstances, an arrangement that you can make together as parents will be better for your children, than any that is imposed on you by a Court.
If you feel that you or your children are at risk or in any imminent danger, you should seek urgent legal advice immediately.
Don’t Stop Paying the Mortgage and Rates
Before ceasing regular payments on your mortgage and other expenses, you should have a conversation with your ex-partner about your ability to continue to pay and your new financial situation. Splitting one household into two is inevitably going to cost both of you more money. You will both need time to adjust to your budget.
Ceasing payments without warning could have detrimental effects on your overall financial position, which could ultimately cost you more money to rectify. Further, defaulting on re-payments could have flow on affects on both parties credit rating.
Come up with a realistic plan to enable you both to meet your financial obligations while you go through the break up process.
Don’t Speak Poorly of Your Ex-Partner in Front of Your Children
Little ears pick up everything. Pay extra attention to the messages you are sending to your children during this time. Avoid using derogatory language about your ex-partner at any time the children are in your presence. The expectation is that parties will positively encourage the children to have a relationship with both parents and will facilitate them spending time together. Family separation is very difficult on your children and placing loyalty demands on them is an unacceptable way to behave.
Also, resist the temptation to vent on social media. You can be assured anything derogatory or detrimental to your case that you post on social media has the potential to be included in the court material filed by the other side. Think about a relationship breakdown as a private matter between the parties that does not need to be shared with the world at large. Of course, you should seek support from your loved ones and closest friends, but try not to force mutual friends others to ‘take sides’ in your disputes.
Don’t Withdraw Joint Funds or Max Out the Credit Cards
Funds held in joint bank accounts are legally the property of both parties. Withdrawing these funds without prior agreement and maxing out the credit cards places additional financial stressors on both parties.
You will have to account for all money that you withdraw from joint accounts. There may also be situations where spending large amounts of money (for example on gambling) will be considered to be wasteful and this could effect your overall property adjustment.
If you treat each other with respect, the separation process will be less stressful for you and your children.
Where possible, discuss options and keep communication lines open.
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